East Enders - everybody's talking about it

While I was in the shower yesterday my thoughts turned to East Enders.  Don't ask why, my life clearly hasn't got enough of it's own drama...

The last episode I see was the one where Alfie proposes to Roxie.

I was just thinking back on their characters history.

Roxie was married to Alfie's ex wife's cousin, Shaun.  So at one point of their lives, Alfie's ex wife Kat and wife-to-be Roxie, even if it wasn't at the same time, both had the surname 'Slater' and were related by marriage.

I then went on to think that the pub Roxie and Alfie live in was the place Roxie's Dad was murdered by Alfie's ex wives other cousin Stacey... who, also used to be Roxie's sister-in-law...

Roxie's sister also stole Alfie's and his ex wives baby after her son (Roxie's nephew) died and brang him up as her own until the guilt got too much.

Roxie also was in a relationship with Alfie's cousin Michael who also happened to impregnate Alfie's wife at the time with the child that Roxie's sister later stole.

Roxie's Dad also raped Roxie's ex sister-in-law in the pub they live in.

Add to the fact Jean lives with Alfie and Roxie who happens to be Roxie's ex mother-in-law and mother of the woman who murdered her Dad but also Alfie's ex Cousin-in-Laws Mother? ooo errrr

FATAL ATTRACTION RIGHT THERE!

So whenever you think life is unfair just think of all the suffering the fictional people of Walford are going through as well as the fact the life expectancy level for Walford is about 23.  Dot Cotton being the one person that comes to mind that hasn't been killed off a 'Spring Chicken,'

A dream about Jayde

I had the strangest dream last night about my friend Jayde.  She was last to talk to me before I fell asleep, we were talking about our futures and so it's her fault I had such a wacky dream he he.

Not sure where we were in the dream but Jayde was telling me all about this medical research company that had approached her, they had offered her £10,000 to take 3 tablets, one pink, one green and one orange with purple dots.

They were researching hairy belly buttons.

Jayde told me how when they first approached her she had said she didn't have a hairy belly button but they went on to say they didn't mind, they wanted someone with just a belly button, hair or no hair and that she was perfect for their research.

Not being a lady to turn down £10,000 she took the tablets a few days before coming to see me.  She then went on to tell me that she had to wait 3 months before she was entitled to the money.

I was a bit worried.  I said to her, why 3 months?  She said she had to wait 3 months because that's how long the side effects will hang about.  I then asked her if she'd had any side effects.  She said no, and said not even a hair in my belly button, she then showed me her belly button and a huge sausage shaped thing appeared like a party animal balloon, right out of her belly button, growing and growing until it got to 18 inches! Jayde panicked and so did I... 

She was like, OMG I can't wear a bikini anymore, I have a sausage growing out of my belly button!

I calmed her down with a wet flannel on her head and we sang Justin Bieber together... LOL

Jayde then decided she still wanted the £10,000 and wouldn't be getting the sausage removed before the 3 months was up.

We then wrapped her sausage round her waist like a belt and accessorized it with vajazzles.

Then I woke up.

Friday's Letters

Dear Readers, It's been a while.  I've been through A LOT and this is the reason for my absence.  Medically, Physically, Mentally, Relationship break downs, Family, 'Frenemies' ... Sorry, I'll try get back into the swing of things but when you're feeling as crappy as I do right now you don't have much drive or inspiration to write.

Dear Jayde, I am so happy you finally have a blog. (@ImJayde's Blog)

Dear Holiday, I wish I was still going on you.  This is the third holiday in a row I have looked forward to and had to cancel, CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE!

Dear Syndol, Please, please, please come back in stock without you I am in pain for weeks on end and do stupid things.

Dear Depression, F%#K OFF! I have not felt this low in ages, I know a lot of sh%t has gone down but MEH!

Dear bad mood, please go away, I am scared you are going to chase the very few people I can rely on away forever :-( I miss being the Lulu that lives in her own little world with fairies and unicorns and debates stupid things in her head to pass the time like 'Do you think the people in EastEnders watch Coronation Street?'

x

xxxx