Invisible illness awareness

If you know me or if you read my posts you'll know of my medical conditions.

I'm not posting this to bore you or make you feel depressed I just wanted to share something quite personal to me with you. Sometimes my condition gets me down. VERY DOWN.

It's not just the pain, it's the way people are towards me in regards to it. Don't get me wrong the handful of supportive people I do have mean the world to me but just one negative comment from the people who don't care to understand can knock me for six.

You know how I feel about words and 'getting it out there'. Some people use song writing, blogging or poetry as a form of release and last year I wrote a poem when I felt really low about it all. It helped me to get all my feelings out in an artistic way and it also helps when I read back on it.

I haven't read it for a while but I came across it the other day and have decided that I would like to share it with you.  It was written a long time ago but I think it emphasizes how alone I felt at that moment in time.  It's not a nice place to be mentally.

So here it goes;

  When I'm gone you'll all miss me, 

not because you loved me but because you'll feel guilty.

You'll ask yourself why you didn't take the time?

Why you didn't listen or check if I was fine.

Every day I wake up wanting out of this skin,

I want to live a proper life but where do I begin?

Painkillers might help numb the physical pain, 

but it's everyone's ignorance that knocks me down again and again.

Pretend I'm okay this 'moods bound to pass,'

I'm just being silly, these feelings won't last.

I should be grateful I 'don't look ill,'

HOW THE F*CK DO YOU KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL?

I look ok on the outside, shiny and new,

therefore on the inside I'm not bruised, black and blue.

You say 'A good nights sleep will do you the world of good,'

I say so would family and friends behaving like they should.

As if having an invisible illness isn't enough to bear,

All I ask of you now is that when I am gone don't pretend that for me, you where there.

It took me a while to realise that no matter how much I prove myself and explain my symptoms, the ups and downs of the condition and everything else I could never change the ignorant peoples opinions on it.  Keep your head up and remember you're never, ever alone.  In that sea of ignorant people there is a hero.  Never give up.