My gentle kick into reality

There is nothing like a New Year to kick you into a reality check and a few days into my 23rd year I've well and truly been kicked!

I've been so depressed and moping around since Christmas because I've felt sick with 'that thing I've got that I never stop talking about' and I really couldn't give a beep what people have to say anymore.

I've had depression on top of everything else for as long as I can remember now.  I am not going to be totally unrealistic and tell you I am proud of having it but I will tell you that I am not ashamed.   I was diagnosed with it at 17 and have never truly shook it off.  Before I was diagnosed I did always think it was something that happens to people in films and programs on the tele... it is real and it does consume you - if you let it.

Sorry if I speak about hospital appointments and being in pain a lot of the time but it is what my life is at the moment! I have a really painful condition, I've wrote about what is going on with my joints a lot but I am not here to have a competition with you about 'my backs badder than your back', I'm here to get it off my chest, I'm not saying it's the hardest thing in the world because it's not, but it's what I'm going through at the moment, who are people to tell me what I can and can't talk about?

I know there is nothing worse than an unhappy person but what can I do lol. I'm in pain all the time sorry my leg isn't decapitated for your entertainment! *inserts pic*

I have decided to nip the cause of pain in the bud. I am steering well clear of Facebook.

I worked out I am forever trying to prove I am happy as Larry to everyone to fit in and that's what is making me depressed.

I am no longer going to pretend to be something I'm not just to please others because when I actually do feel happy that doesn't feel real either!

So, I have decided that it's the right time for a 100% detox of all the bull poopie in my life that I CAN control, this will make the things I can't control such as my illnesses easier to deal with.

I used to look up to so many people as a kid and now I don't even know why? People change and it isn't always for the best, but I am old enough and ugly enough to know when to move on.

So here's to a new me, happier and for that reason alone healthier!

x